High-conflict Marriages vs. Low-conflict Marriages

It’s important to consider how a divorce may affect your children. Divorce is generally a stressful experience, but certain factors can make divorce harder or easier for children to deal with. As you answer these questions, keep in mind the personalities and characteristics of your children. Whether you divorce or not, answering these questions can help you better understand your children’s needs at this time.

 It is important to consider how your children experience your marriage. How do you think your children view your marriage? For each of these questions, circle the answer that best describes your situation.

 

How do you think your children view your marriage?	Unsure/ Not Applicable	Never	Rarely	Sometimes	Often	Very Often
1. My children see or hear our marital conflict.	Unsure/ NA	0	1	2	3	4
2. My children are aware of the topics of conflict between me and my spouse.	Unsure/ NA	0	1	2	3	4
3. My children get involved in our marital conflict.	Unsure/ NA	0	1	2	3	4
4. My children see violence between me and my spouse.	Unsure/ NA	0	1	2	3	4
5. My children act scared, hide, or leave home (or want to leave home) during our marital conflict.	Unsure/ NA	0	1	2	3	4
6. My spouse and I fight about our children.	Unsure/ NA	0	1	2	3	4
7. I (or my spouse) treat my children negatively or give them less attention during or after our marital conflict.	Unsure/ NA	0	1	2	3	4
8. My children are aware that my spouse and I are considering a divorce.	Unsure/ NA	0	1	2	3	4
9. My children see my spouse and me express affection or support for each other.	Unsure/ NA	4	3	2	1	0
10. My children see my spouse and me resolving conflict in positive ways.	Unsure/ NA	4	3	2	1	0

 

Now add up your score for these 10 questions:

 

Higher scores indicate that your children are more likely to be aware of a lot of conflict between you and your spouse, while lower scores indicate that your children are less likely to be aware of conflict between you and your spouse. If your score is greater than 25, then your children, if they are old enough, are probably aware of your marital conflict.

Overall, how do you think your children view your marriage? How aware do you think they are of your marital problems?